Hormones, hormones, hormones

Guess anyone who has had kids can predict what this post will be about! lol I'd say the hormones kicked in today, and with it came lots of tears. I woke up this morning with a killer headache, and ended up having to take Imitrex. I really didn't want to have to take it since I was unsure about taking it with breastfeeding, but the pediatrician had told Aaron yesterday that I could take it if I really needed it. Good thing is that it seemed to do the trick, and got rid of my headache, so "check", 1 thing off the list. So once that was gone I got up to start getting ready since my dad and grandma where on their way up. I was stressed because of how my house looks. Not that it was that bad, just not how I like to keep it, and it makes me feel out of control for it to be messy. So I was trying to let that go and just tell myself it didn't matter, so I got Austin and was going to feed him before everyone got here. Well, as soon as I put him on, I was in tears from the pain. (here is where it takes a downward turn!).......so Aaron talked me in to giving him a bottle so I could pump and not be in so much pain. So I agreed and Aaron got up to go heat up the bottle from the fridge. In the rush of it all he put the bottle in the microwave, I start questioning him and telling him the milk is no good anymore, he gets mad that I get mad, I get mad that he gets mad, and the downward spiral begins! I go off to the bedroom crying and end up breastfeeding Austin (ouch) and Aaron gets in the shower. Cue, my dad and grandma show up, which of course makes me cry more because now people think I'm psycho and can't handle having a baby.....and on and on and on. Basically lots of crying for the next hour or so and I can't look at anyone without completely breaking down. Aaron comes in to give me a hug, and after another breakdown I finally start getting myself together. I reminded him that it is completely normal for me to be this crazy after having the baby!! And since then I've been fine for the rest of the day. Guess some people might wonder why I'm posting about this, most people probably don't care, but just figure I should post all that happens, not just a pretty picture that all is perfect. People always think I have it all together, but I break with the best of them! It is very hard for me emotionally to not be able to maintain taking care of my family and home the way that I want to. I hate being disabled at all, you forget how physically changed you are after having a baby. So I had to have my breakdown, but now I feel fine, don't worry about me.

Thankfully Austin is still the perfect baby. He really requires very little which is good since I can't give much right now. He has done well drinking out of the bottle. I am going to go back and forth for each feeding so that he doesn't get too used to the bottle and decide he doesn't want to go back to breastfeeding. Mackenzie has loved the fact that she was able to feed him though, so at least others got to benefit from him having to have a bottle. Turner and Mackenzie have been great. Mackenzie is my little live-in nanny, and Turner just gets so excited to see Austin. Neither has showed any jealousy or anger issues at all. They are both very excited to have their new baby brother.

Today is also Daddy's birthday. The big 28! Bet he would have never thought this would be his life on his 28th birthday. We went out to eat to Outback with my family for lunch and I just made him a red waldorf cake with buttermilk icing, so all is good! Happy Birthday Sweetheart! Tomorrow Aaron goes back to work, and the kids will go to daycare, so it will be mine and Austin's first day alone together. I'm really looking forward to some alone time with my little boy.