No, really, are you sure, it can't be

I really don't think I'm ready for this...Mackenzie is turning 5, really, already. I just brought her home from the hospital, this can't be real. I'm just not ready for it. You'd think that she is turning 16 the way it is affecting me, but I'm really having a problem with this. 5 symbolizes this imaginary threshold that I'll never be able to cross back over. I'll never have 3 little kids at home, I'll have 1 big, and 2 little... The other day in the car I starting thinking about it and thought I was going to have a panic attack. It just felt like life was forging onward and I had absolutely no control over anything - and it IS. I hate that the kids are growing up, I love these ages, there is something magical to this age. I'll make it through but I'm not happy about it! I think there might be random breakouts of crying tomorrow. Of course in front of my little girl - I'll be nothing but smiles and excitement because this is HER day and we will celebrate along with the world that she is a part of our lives- someday she'll read back on this post and be in total shock of what mommy was like behind the scenes. We have big plans for tomorrow in between work and school. I can't wait to share all the details with you!!!